Rewind a couple of years, and I was sat writing a blog about freelancing and parenting. I’d just had my first baby, and I was finding my feet with the whole work/baby juggling act. But freelancing was a choice I made in a quest to find a better work/life balance.
Fast-forward to the present day, and I have two little children. And I’m still freelancing. But the whole experience has led to me ask one thing, time and again. Is freelancing the ultimate answer for those parents looking for a more balanced life? And can you have it all when it comes to freelancing and parenting?
The freelancing dream
Most parents choose or continue a freelance career for its flexibility. We want to combine a successful business with family life. Pay the bills and spend more time with the kids. Take them to nursery or school and pick them up when they’re unwell without having to ask for favours from relatives, partners or dare I say it, your employer.
All those things are hard to talk about in a business environment, but it’s the reality most parents face at some point. Those perks are what attract many to freelancing. And quite rightly so. I’ve been freelancing for around six years now, and in that time, I’ve had those two lovely children. So, how has freelancing and parenting been like for me? And I mean, honestly.
But first, what does “having it all” look like?
I can think of at least a handful of people who are leading amazing careers either as freelancers or in businesses while being hands-on parents. What we might not see is the sacrifices made to achieve that.
In my personal experience, keeping a freelancing business going has required more effort than ever. I love what I do, so there’s no regret in the energy spent on it. But honestly, there have been greater highs and lows. At times, it’s all felt like a messy, complicated balancing act. But I often feel this isn’t something I can own up to in a world where “having it all” (I’m talking about being successful in both work and family life) is highly prized.
Do you limit yourself?
For me, there’s been a recurring thought around this “having it all” mindset. For anyone who’s naturally ambitious, that can pile the pressure on. That may be a good thing to a point, but it can have a sting in the tail.
It can reduce it to a thought process of “succeeding” versus “failing”. If you “have it all” you’re winning. Right? If not, if the business starts dwindling or you’re perhaps having to put the kids in childcare more than you feel comfortable with, it feels like a guilt trip. Or a failure.
As inspirational as the idea of “having it all” can be, to a certain person at a certain time, it can be as limiting a thought process as a self-doubting one. It could raise the stakes so high, that failure may always feel like the outcome in some way or another.
No, I don’t have all the answers …
But the thing I depend on most is support. When you’re a freelancer you’re an island in most ways. You’re often there alone, tapping away on your laptop for a large amount of time. That can be ok when it’s just you. When it’s you and your kids it’s hard, if not nigh impossible, to do it all alone.
To invest energy into your business you need help. Nursery has been the main source of support for me. But you’ll need to find your own way of doing it.
Find what works most of the time
Everyone is different. Balancing up the responsibilities in your life takes a whole new meaning with children. It’s not to say that you’re not ambitious anymore. Or that you care more about your children than your work. (Well, you kind of do, right? On a human level.) But when you’re there, sitting at your desk, if you love what you do, the focus is very much on work.
I could tell you that I found balance by setting aside specific time for my children, and for work. But truthfully, for me, this tactic hasn’t been fool proof. Things can shift into stressful territory even on the best days. You have less work and you’re still paying for a nursery place. Or, you have so much work, you’re bouncing a baby on your knee pre-bath time while writing an email to a client. Not ideal.
Find your own measurement of success
Sometimes you have to be realistic. Initially, I used to worry that I couldn’t get something done as quickly as I’d like because I had to factor in childcare. It’s important to remember that meeting deadlines is essential. That doesn’t mean punishing yourself by setting your own unrealistic time scales.
Everyone has other stuff on their to-do list. Sometimes you have to prioritise and shuffle things to get something back to someone. I’ve worked on holidays and weekends when necessary. I’ve also asked childcare favours to get something urgent done.
Ultimately, however, on your average week, planning your work day-to-day around other commitments, work and otherwise, is absolutely fine. So, there’s no need to feel guilty if one of the things you’re planning around is childcare.
Have a plan
And by that, I mean a business plan. Yes, they take time, and you may well feel distracted when you first head back to work. But setting your expectations on what’s possible can be a sobering, yet positive experience. Plus, it’s something positive to build on as you grow your business.
Ultimately, to keep your freelance career on track and enjoy time with your children, I’ve found that it’s more important than anything to keep your head straight on things. It’s ok to balance the two. And “having it all” doesn’t have to mean raising the bar to uncomfortable levels. It’s about being honest with yourself, finding your own groove, setting targets that mean something to you, and enjoying your time as both a freelancer and parent.
